This white screen and cursor is my only true confidant. It is mildly comforting to know that I can explore my thoughts and feelings without the scrutiny. This place and this white space is my therapy. I must admit that I still feel the pressure of choosing my words wisely in the attempt to censure that which is thought to be inappropriate. It is like I am a prisoner of my own words, thoughts, actions and feelings because I can’t express the real me. I am forced to conceal myself through the slant rhymes and figurative language devices of poetry. The moment I choose to escape this confinement created by the expectations of society, I am considered a rebel. However, the more I try to appease others by compromising my own thoughts and feelings, I lose a part of myself. Not only that, I lose their love and respect. How the hell did I become an antagonist in my own (coming of age story) bildungsroman? I guess the only place a person can be themselves is in solitude. This reminds me of the Twain quote that appears on mugs and decorative ornaments in stores across America: "Dance like no one is watching," because those who are watching, ridicule. "Sing like no one is listening," because those who do compare you to others. "Love like you've never been hurt," because you will experience pain, And "live like it's heaven on Earth," because in reality life is hell.
Lol you're so right
ReplyDeleteYou've got a certain command of language now that you didn't have before.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder about stuff like this...everyone conceals themselves to some degree...but at the same time, sometimes someone who is masked is more honest than someone who isn't. And you wanna be honest, but at the same time you know that when you're someone else you can go anywhere. At least that's how I see it.